Dressed in Stress
It's September 6, and I'm sitting in the middle of my bed, looking around at my room at all the boxes and mess I still have to pack and thinking of all the homework I'm sure I have left to do. I have no idea where to start. I have less than a month before I move into my apartment, but I have class tomorrow which means I have at least 1, maybe even 2, assignments that are due.
Life can be so stressful and I have definitely been letting stress take the reigns in my life lately.
September 1 marked the 1 month countdown for moving into my apartment. For those who don't know, I still live at home with my parents and have lived with them my whole life. I did not go away for college and move back home and decided to venture out on my own again. No, this will be my first solo adventure. That in itself causes a little bit of stress. I have no fear of living alone, just fear of the unknown. And this is definitely uncharted territory -- from searching for the best apartment/location, to buying the necessary things for it, to getting insurance and my utilities set up, to living on my own. It's just been a lot to do and think about. All this, while transferring colleges and starting the semester at my new school which has also been an extremely hard adjustment for me. I have been so overwhelmed.
On top of all these life changing events, I have had to do it without my best friend. Which has left me feeling really lonely. It's been a really hard time in my life. But I know in the end it will make me stronger.
It's now about 3 weeks until I leave for Georgia again, this time to watch Marquis' graduation. Thankfully this time M will get to come home with me. But as soon as as we get back to Indy (the next day) I will be moving into my own place. Talk about whiplash?! I don't even know how to process all of this change and movement going on.
Through all this, I've discovered that I have a problem with planning and control. Both of those are good qualities to have, don't get me wrong. BUT I have let them get out of control. I have spent so much time planning all these events in my life and there is no way I can be in full control in any of them and I let that cripple me. It paralyzed me from knowing what to do in the NOW because I have been so consumed with what I need to do in the future.
In the Bible it says, "So don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today's trouble is enough for today." (Matthew 6:34) That's exactly what I need to do. Take it one day at a time. But it's sooo hard to let go.
I have to tell myself over and over again. "It's not that big of a deal Alyssa." "Don't worry about it." "It will work itself out." "Don't stress." "God is in control." "It's all apart of His plan." How many of you have conversations like this in your head? It's just a constant battle with giving my stress over to God. I've been trying for weeks now and it seems like I'm fighting a losing battle.
But even still, I know God is in control. It's all apart of His perfect plan for my life. I just have to keep on taking it one day at a time.